I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
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Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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