I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
