My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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