did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
