Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
