So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm too high and old for this...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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