escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
