This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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