i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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