Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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