No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
