There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
