i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
