Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
