Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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