I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We left the knife in your bed.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
