Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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