you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
