Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My cat gives me a boner
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Randomize
