Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
