dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I party with great urgency now.
PANTIES FOUND
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
