what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
