hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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