non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
