i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
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dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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