Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
