I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
