All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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