It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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