he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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