I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Oh god it's open bar.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
