I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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