if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
