Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
