I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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