And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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