Got a toothbrush?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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