Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
