"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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