She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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