o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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