apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
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the night ended with taco bell and tears
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
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You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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