Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
