i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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