Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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