I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
