Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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