If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
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Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
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I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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