Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
