I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
