I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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