found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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