there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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