Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
