I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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