u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
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I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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