that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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