I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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