wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
