I got chris browned last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's blow job season.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
