I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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