He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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