let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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