Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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