Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
