he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
why do cheetos always look like penises
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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